Курок Дуглас Пенелопа

I opened the top one and reached hesitantly inside, feeling wood, ceramic, glass, and clay. There were miniature trees, glitter-capped roofs, and models of houses, buildings, and a clock tower.

Then my hand knocked a model, and Carol of the Bells began playing, and I knew it was the ice rink adorned with little trees and ice skaters.

I almost smiled. It was the Christmas village. Two boxes of components.

How did…

Footsteps pounded down the hallway, and I heard my mother call down to Arion, sounding completely different than she did last night. I veered around the boxes and opened the door, peeking my head out.

“Ari, is that you?”

“I’m getting my shower,” she said as she passed me.

“Did you get the snow village for me?” I inquired. I wanted to thank her if she did.

But she just barked back at me. “I said ask Mom. I have no idea where it is.”

Okay. Wasn’t her then. I ducked back into my room, scratching my head.

What the hell was going on?

“Hey, sweetie,” my mom greeted, entering my room. “Did you have a good night?”

Jesus, no. My mind flashed to what I’d heard with her and my dad—how they both sounded like they were killing each other. God, the things my father said…

Growing up, I remembered them fighting, but I’d been gone a long time, it seemed.

“Are…are you okay?” I asked hesitantly as she moved about my room, probably making my bed, because she still thought I needed help. “Last night, I mean. I thought I heard—”

“Oh, did Ari get the village for you?” She cut me off. “That was nice of her. See, she does love you.”

She pinched my chin, teasing me, and I jerked a little, not in the mood.

“Get dressed,” she told me. “We have brunch in an hour.”

She left the room as quickly as she’d come in, and I gathered she didn’t want to know how much I’d heard last night.

But she didn’t seem to know I was in the closet, at least. Thank goodness for that.

And Ari was acting completely normal. For Ari anyway.

Neither of them were responsible for the Christmas village in my room, either.

“What the hell?” I thought out loud, knitting my brow. “What the hell was that last night?”

Was it just some elaborate prank? Why would he threaten and scare me the way he did and then…and then shield me when my parents started fighting? He protected me and put me to bed and somehow knew I wanted the Christmas village that my sister wouldn’t get for me.

I knew I should tell my parents about what happened, but...

I don’t know. It could’ve been just a prank, right?

If I told them, it could get me sent back to Montreal where I was “safer and in my own element” like my father wanted. I really didn’t want to bring any drama to his attention, because I’d be the one to get punished.

No. The boy didn’t hurt me. Not yet, anyway.

In fact, he was kind of an angel at the end. An angel with really black batwings.

Psycho.

 

 

 

Damon

 

Present

 

“So this is Women, Gender, and Sexuality in Japan,” I said, walking into Banks’ classroom. “Part One.”

I added the last part sarcastically, unsure as to why this class needed to exist in the first place, much less needed more than one part to it.

My sister turned her head, locking eyes on me over her shoulder. Slowly, she dropped her pen and twisted in her seat, a cautious but faint smile on her lips at seeing me. The ‘I love him, but should I be worried he’s here?’ variety.

“Your course list is like a plate filled with every single food I refused to eat as a kid,” I told her.

“I like my course list.”

And then she broke into a full smile, and my heart skipped a beat. It was the same smile she gave me when we would do all the childish shit my friends were too cool to do with me in high school.

Sneaking into movies without paying.

Playing tag in the rain in the maze.

Midnight drives way over the speed limit on a school night, because we just needed to get out of the house.

She smiled less the older we got, but just now, it came so easily. I could tell already. She was different.

I descended the steps slowly, one at a time, the auditorium having emptied a few minutes earlier after her class was over. She always stayed, though, and graded the pop quizzes after every lesson for the professor.

Quite the little student now.

“It’s a lot of politics, history, and sociology,” I remarked on her course list. “Why those classes?”

She shrugged and dropped her eyes, looking thoughtful as she glanced back at the papers at her seat. She’d done most of my homework in high school, and it was always well above passing, so I knew she was smart and a quick learner. It gave me pause to hear she was in college, though. It never occurred to me she enjoyed it.

“The world was small growing up,” she finally answered, looking up at me again. “Now, everything I learn makes it bigger. I want to know everything. Every person who walked before me. Every war fought. Every culture that breathes the same air. I can’t explain it, I just…”

“You just did.” I stopped a few steps up, aggravated even though I didn’t want to be. I knew she meant me. Even though she didn’t come to live at my house until she was twelve, I was part of the reason her world was so small growing up. I wanted her to be happy, but I hadn’t outgrown that possessiveness. I still had a hard time being happy that she was happy, when the reason she was happy wasn’t because of me.

And this—I looked around the room—it was one more thing taking her away from me. The bigger her world became, the farther away from me she got, and out of any emotion that I avoided, I hated loss the most.

“I’m glad you’re in school,” I told her. “I never imagined you like this. But it suits you.”

She was beautiful.

And bright. Her dark brown hair hung down her back in loose curls, her jeans and short-sleeved black blouse fit a lot better than my clothes ever did, she wore lipstick and mascara, and the light caught the small ruby encrusted with diamonds on her left hand. Kai must’ve gotten her a proper ring after their quick nuptials.

Fucking Kai. He’d clearly treated her how she deserved.

But was she his now? Truly?

I sighed, looking around. “I hated college.”

“You hated being away from your family,” she corrected. “And I don’t mean Gabriel and me.”

I clenched my jaw. Yeah.

The year and two months I spent at college sucked, and even now, I look back on it as though time had been suspended as I existed without Michael, Will, and Kai.

And her.

“You were the only loner I knew who hated being alone,” she mused, gathering up her books and papers.

“So what will you do?” I asked, changing the subject. “With your education, I mean?”

“She’s already doing it.” A voice trailed down from the top of the stairs, and I glanced over my shoulder enough to see a skinny body with brown hair trot down.

Alex.

“She, Rika, and I are designing a curriculum for young women,” she said, stopping just above me. “Self-defense, survival, situational awareness, decision-making… We’re hoping to roll it out next summer, starting at Sensou.”

Sensou. The dojo Kai, Rika, Will, and Michael owned together. Not with me.

Self-defense, survival, situational awareness… People don’t need classes in that. You push someone in a pool, they learn how to swim quick enough.

Banks stood up, bringing her satchel—weighed down and bulging with books and who knew what else with her. She looked up at me, explaining, “I want to empower people. That’s all I know for now.”

“Ready for lunch?” Alex asked behind me, but I knew she wasn’t talking to me. They were probably meeting Rika, too, since they all went to school here at Trinity College.

My sister walked past me, and I caught a little bow of her head, almost like an apology. It was subtle, and I hadn’t seen it in forever, but she used to do it all the time, didn’t she? Always little looks or gestures like that to handle me and my temper or keep me on an even keel.

I inhaled a deep breath.

I needed her. I needed an anchor.

“Banks,” I said, and turned around slowly.

She stopped and paused, standing there but not turning around. She didn’t want to deal with me, and she wasn’t going to have to. I was her big brother. I took care of her, not the other way around.

“I’ll catch up,” she finally told Alex.

Alex shot me a look, and I cocked an eyebrow, reminding her that she really didn’t like me upset.

Her lips formed a tight line and she nodded at Banks, leaving the auditorium.

Banks turned around, but she still wouldn’t look at me.

We were only a few feet from each other, but all of a sudden, it felt like miles.

I’d nearly killed my friend.

I’d destroyed Kai’s business.

I’d threatened her, had her guarded, and kept her practically caged.

I was sorry for some things, not for others.

I swallowed. “The way…the way I was with you…” I started, “I—”

“You raised me,” she said, raising her eyes. “And who knows what would’ve happened to me if I’d stayed with my mother.”

I waited for her to continue, not sure if she was just trying to make me feel better or if she really thought her life with me was worth it all.

“I like who I am,” she told me. “I don’t hate you for anything.”

And despite my slow, steady breaths and unwavering gaze on her, a little relief started to seep through my bones.

I watched her leave the auditorium, looking a little less unsure than when I walked in.

She didn’t trust me, and she might not choose me.

But she was still with me. Even just a bit.

That was something.

 

 

I arrived back at the Ashby house—technically now my house—just after six and fucking starving. I had barely eaten all day, and even though I’d rather wait until late to come in, so I’d have to deal with Arion as little as possible, I wanted to see her. I wanted Winter at my dinner table tonight.

“Hello, sir,” Crane said, opening the door for me.

I walked into the house, hearing the driver pull off behind me, and charged immediately up the stairs as the wind outside whistled through the old wood and any cracks in window panes it had found.

But there was no music or footsteps, and the upstairs was dark.

I stopped, slipping my hand into my suit pocket.

“Is anyone home?” I peered over my shoulder down to Crane.

He cleared his throat. “Mrs. Ashby and Mrs. Torrance are on their way back from the city—shopping,” he clarified. “They’ll be here in time for dinner.”

Mrs. Torrance. Jesus, fuck you.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, letting out a breath and waiting.

“And…” he continued. “Miss Ashby is in the backyard.”

I stopped breathing for just a moment. The backyard. I hated the way knowing that she was so close could give me pause.

I locked my jaw and continued up the stairs.

“She’s not alone, sir,” he called after me. “Mr. Grayson is here.”

I halted. Will?

“Please let me know if I shouldn’t have admitted him,” Crane rushed to add. “You only said—”

“It’s fine,” I bit out.

Continuing up the stairs, I barreled into my bedroom, throwing open the door so hard, the knob slammed into the wall. Charging over to the windows, I pulled back the gossamer curtain and peered down into the backyard, the view from the second floor spanning the terrace, pool, pool house, and wooded area beyond. I locked my gaze on them in the pool.

“What the fuck?” I growled low.

He had her in a headlock, her hair in her face, and a huge fucking smile on his. She struggled and fought, trying to reach him behind her, and while I was trying to decide if I was angrier that he was touching my shit or if he was really hurting her or just playing with her, he let her go, pushed her forward, and splashed her, both of them laughing and answering my question.

I gripped the window frame, scowling down at them. They stood waist deep, his chest naked, tattoos blaring, and she in some halter bikini top. Over the next several minutes he worked with her on different holds and how to get out of them. His lips moved, talking her through what to do as he grabbed or yanked her or backed her into the edge of the pool.

I almost snorted. Fucking Rika.

This was her idea. I’d bet any piece of ass she sent Will over here to teach Winter some self-defense moves to fend me off. Nice move, kid, but this was chess, not checkers. Remember?

Winter shot out her hands, planting them on Will’s chest, and I breathed hard and deep, my eyes burning with a glare.

She doesn’t touch him.

And he doesn’t touch her.

Releasing the curtain, I spun around and walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

I liked that Will was here. I wanted him here. I wanted him with me.

But he was not her fucking lifeline. Period.

I rounded the bannister and made my way to the back of the house and through the back door. Walking to the edge of the terrace, I stopped and looked down at them as they talked and played.

It made sense now why he took her into the pool. Without her sight, it helped her maintain balance and cushioned any falls during their training. Thank you for that, Will. I wanted her in perfect condition.

Sprinkles of rain hit my shoulders, and Winter fluttered her eyelashes as she turned her face to the sky and held out her hands, palms up. Drops hit the water, clouding the still surface, and the fire pit crackled near the pool house, an inviting glow under the darkening sky.

Will smoothed his wet hair over the top of his head and finally looked up, spotting me. He stood there, still and unwavering, his fucking juniper eyes always twisting a goddamn hole through my head like a screwdriver, and for a moment, it was high school, we were side by side, and Winter wasn’t standing between us.

In that moment, I wanted to grab him and her and Banks and put us all on an island, because they would never not belong to me.

Lightning shot through the sky, thunder cracked, and Will and Winter exchanged words before she hopped out of the pool. He followed, helping her find her towel.

Once she was dried off, she wrapped the towel around her body, but when he tried to take her hand, she waved him off. He said a few more words to her, she nodded, and then turned around.

Putting out her right hand, she made her way back up to the house, toward me, and I locked eyes with Will.

The corner of his mouth tilted in a challenge, and I shook my head as Winter made her way in my direction. Walking right past me, she paused, turning her head my way, and I looked down at her, knowing she knew I was here, mere inches away.

My eyes fell down her face, neck, and shoulders, touching her the only way I’d allow myself just yet.

Stupid girl. He only taught you to fend off one attacker. What if there were more?

She dropped her head, her lips tightening, and she walked on, back into the house.

Soon.

Will dried off and walked over to the fire pit, holding out his hands to warm up. I descended the brick steps, making my way over to him.

“I got your letter,” he said, staring at the fire.

I quirked a smile, remembering the note I sent him a while back. Challenging him to find me. To face who he really was, and it wasn’t as Michael and Kai’s third wheel. Fuck them.

“You think you can stop me?” I stared at him over the fire. Is that why he was here? Doing Rika’s bidding and trying to arm Winter against me?

But his eyes danced with mischief even though he still wasn’t looking at me. “You didn’t think that beating I gave you was the end of it, did you?”

My smile froze, remembering the beating I let him give me last year, because I knew I deserved it. I’d knelt there, letting him hit me again and again, because I wanted to feel worse on the outside than I did on the inside, and for so many moments, I just wanted him to kill me. Just kill me, because I can’t take it back, and I can’t move on.

I’d almost killed him. And I wanted him to hate me so hard he would fucking murder me, and then maybe, after his anger was spent, he’d love me again. Whether I lived or died, he needed to forgive me for standing by and letting Michael’s brother do what he did on that yacht that night.

But I wasn’t the only one to blame for all that shit that went down two years ago after we got out of prison, either. I took my punishment for my part, but I wasn’t taking it lying down again.

And if at least a small part of him wasn’t willing to forgive me, he wouldn’t be here now. He wanted to be here. He hadn’t let it go, which meant he hadn’t let me go. Not completely.

“You missed me,” I said in a low voice.

He moved behind the flames, circling the fire slowly, and I did the same, following him.

“Didn’t you?” I taunted.

His wet jeans clung to his legs, and I noticed he’d added some more ink to his chest and arms since I last saw him.

But some things hadn’t changed. He was still dwelling on shit and still getting drunk and high all the time. He needed me.

A small chuckle escaped him as I caught his eyes again. “You were my heroin once upon a time,” he said, and his eyes disappeared behind the flames again.

I stepped again, moving around the fire and locking eyes with him again. “And you still like your drugs from what I hear.”

He shook his head, knowing full well where I got that information. “Fucking Rika.”

“Fucking Rika.” I nodded.

He moved again, disappearing, and I advanced, seeking him. His eyes on me when he dropped out of sight and still on me when he reappeared. His lips twitched and his gaze was charged with fury, rage, excitement, the blacks of his eyes small and sober, because he didn’t need that shit when he had me.

“Winter likes you,” I said, taking another slow step. “She seems to trust you. Why?”

“I have a way…with women,” he teased.

“I remember.” I licked my lips. “You were fun to watch.”

His breathing turned shallow, and I knew he was remembering all the shit we got up to back in the day. We had some fun.

Even without girls.

“You want to see me with her?” he asked. “Is that it?”

I laughed under my breath and cocked my head. “Not exactly.”

I shot off, catching him off guard, darted around the fire and slammed my palms into his chest, pushing him backward into the wall of the pool house. He grunted, hitting the brick with his bare back.

The rain started pummeling the awning overhead, and I raced up to him, ready to throw him down on the ground, but he bent over and barreled into my stomach, sending us both falling to the concrete deck.

I bared my teeth, seething and throwing my fist across the side of his head while he punched my stomach. I tightened every muscle in my gut against his attack, and I didn’t know if I was really angry or just desperate to engage him in anything, because I’d fucking missed this, but either way, I was having fun.

I threw him over onto his back, and he kept rolling, trying to get away, but I caught him. I landed on his back, pressing him into the ground and driving my arm into the back of his neck to keep him in place.

“Oh, I remember this,” I taunted in his ear, every inch of my chest pressed against his back and both us very aware of my groin on his ass. “This is what you really missed, isn’t it?”

He jerked his head back, trying to head butt me. “Don’t fucking talk about that,” he growled. “I was drunk.”

“All three times?” I teased, smiling. “Michael and Kai don’t know how close we got, do they?”

I lowered my mouth to his ear, ready to revive his memory of how there were moments when I was the only one who would give him what he needed. When no one else was there for him, and we had everything money could buy but all we really wanted were things that didn’t have a price.

When we were young and already drained and rotting from the inside out, and for a few nights here and there we just wanted to touch someone who got it. Who understood.

I could make him remember. I could push forward and not think and make him not think and just go and take and feel and…

Reaching around, I grabbed the front of his throat and buried my face in his fucking neck, but he thrashed, jerking his head back once again, breaking free from my hold, and slamming me in the bottom lip.

I squeezed my eyes shut as the corner of my mouth dug into my teeth, and I growled, distracted long enough for him to throw me off.

Heat coursed under my skin, and my heart picked up pace as I laughed and licked the cut, tasting the blood on my mouth.

You fucking little shit. Will was nice…until he wasn’t. Winter shouldn’t trust him too much.

I stood up as he rose to his feet, as well.

“You know,” he started, a condescending little smirk on his face. “I was never turned on by Winter growing up. Too pale. Too pure.”

He bent over, swiping my cigarettes off the ground and pulled one out. He tossed the pack back to me, and I caught it, glaring at him as he bent down to the fire, lighting the end.

“She was pretty, but I like my meat hot.” He blew out a stream of smoke, his gaze locked on the flames as he drifted off in thought for a moment. “Sexy with chocolate-colored hair and olive skin. Fat lips and dark eyes taunting me behind some seductive, librarian glasses.”

He trailed off, lost in the images in his mind, and I knew exactly who he was thinking of. But after a moment, he shook his head, coming back. “I never really knew why you were drawn to Winter. Michael and Kai thought she was just a one-night stand to you, but I knew better.” He raised his eyes, meeting mine. “They didn’t see the way you would look at her at school, during lunch and in passing in the hallways. And how no one—no one,” he re-emphasized the words, “fucked with her behind her back after what you did to any guy who disrespected her, like making an obscene gesture right next to her that she couldn’t see.”

He circled the fire again, and I did the same, not taking my eyes off him for a moment.

“But about a year ago,” he said, “I checked in on your girl. Watched her rehearse at the theater with a fellow dancer. Some guy.”

My teeth slowly ground together.

“Though they weren’t doing much rehearsing,” he taunted, and I could see the images playing behind his eyes. “He had her pinned against a wall, her long hair spilling around her and her skin flushed with sweat and heat from dancing… His hands were all over her, and his tongue halfway down her little throat.”

I held back the snarl that pulled at my lips, but I couldn’t help the images that flooded my mind. Of a time when I had her in very much the same fucking position. Her naked breasts, her arms around my neck and hugging me to her, us in a tangle so tight you couldn’t tell what was me and what was her…

Slut. I hoped he was telling the truth.

“She stopped it when he tried to undress her,” Will told me. “But one thing I noticed for certain. That girl is ready to be used like a woman.” A heated look crossed his eyes. “And she may not have liked it with you, but she just might love it with me.”

I balled my fists.

“Yeah,” he mused, his tone trying to get under my skin. “She’s damn-well turning me on now. She felt really good in the pool, and I can just see her lily-white ass backing up into my cock, her hair bouncing against her back—”

I kicked the fire pit, and it went tumbling into the pool, extinguishing, and I lunged for him, but he made no move to get away. With one hand on the front of his neck and the other hand on his back, I whipped him around and threw him into the wall of the pool house.

“I almost killed you once,” I gritted through my teeth and getting in his face. “I could do it again.”

“Then do it,” he fired back. “Do it, because I got nothin’ to lose, D. Nothing.”

He gasped out the last, desperation suddenly rippling off of him, and it was familiar, because I felt it, too. I stared at him, his eyes searching mine.

“I can’t stop going down this road I’m on,” he nearly whispered, his eyes watering. “My family is done with me. Michael has Rika. Kai has Banks. You were a lie.” He faltered, dropping his gaze. “She was a lie.”