Курок Дуглас Пенелопа

“Whoo!”

Michael’s fucking basketball player buddies were going wild, and the song choice was not lost on me at all.

You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.

A Christmas song, indeed. And dedicated to me with its nasty lyrics meant to describe me, too.

Clever.

I shot my eyes over to Michael and Kai standing next to each other, both of them laughing and sharing words, enjoying this too much. Michael looked up at me, grinning like he won something, and Kai followed his gaze, laughing again. Winter publicly slighted me, and everyone was loving it.

She continued dancing, working every inch of the song and feeding off the crowd, and I buttoned my jacket, using every ounce of control to not lose my cool here.

Someone appeared, and I shifted my gaze away from the dance floor as Michael approached.

“You know what?” he said, laughing and patting me on both arms. “I’m feeling generous tonight. Forget what I said. You can stay as long as you like. Eat, drink…” He tossed a glance behind him to the dance floor and then turned back to me. “Because it looks like you have your hands full enough at home. Ouch.”

I steeled myself, letting him walk away, but the air pouring out of my nose was damn near steam.

The song ended, the crowd cheered, and I saw Crane approach my side again as I watched Winter smile on the dance floor and soak up all that love at my expense.

“She needs to be disciplined,” I said.

 

 

“Did you have fun?” I asked, hearing the front door close.

Headlights shone through the drapes, and I pushed my chair back and rose from the dining room table, Winter’s dog popping his head up from my lap to let me up.

I knew she’d come home. Good girl.

And at one a.m., no less.

The headlights outside died, and I stalked into the dark foyer, seeing Winter still dressed in her costume from the party. I put my hand on her abdomen and walked into her, forcing her back against the door.

She sucked in a breath, planting her hands on my chest.

“Four hours,” I scolded. “When I think of all the trouble you could’ve gotten up to in four hours…”

After her dance, she disappeared, and it only took Crane a few minutes to find out she’d left with Ethan Belmont, escaping while she could. I sent someone to his house, but no one was home.

Hopefully that was him who just dropped her off, too.

“I’m an adult,” she shot back. “You have no power.”

But just then protests and struggles rang out loud and clear as people entered the house.

“Get your hands off me!” Ethan shouted as Crane dragged him into the room from the side door in the dining room.

I kept my eyes on Winter, though, a smirk curling my lips.

Perfect timing.

A puzzled look crossed her face when she heard his voice. “Wha—what are you doing? Leave him alone.”

I moved my hand to her jaw, holding it in one hand. “I think he touched you,” I told her. “He kept you out after curfew.”

She clutched my hand with both of hers, breathing hard.

“He’s been dying to get you into bed. Judging from the naked pictures of you all over his bedroom wall, anyway.”

“What?” she blurted out. “Stop it, Damon.”

Belmont struggled against Crane’s hold to my right.

“He’s been photographing you,” I told her, reporting what Crane found when he went to Belmont’s house earlier. “I really hope you didn’t know.”

“It wasn’t like that!” he yelled. “I just… Winter, they’re not bad pictures. I promise.”

I kept my stare on her. “They’re bad to me,” I bit out. “She’s in her bathing suit, her shorts, bending over… All without her knowledge from the looks of it, am I right?”

“Spare me your concern about what happens without her knowledge!” he fired back. “You only care when it’s not you taking advantage!”

I ground my teeth together. He wasn’t lying exactly. But still…

“Winter?” he pleaded when she didn’t say anything. “Winter, I just… It’s not as bad as it sounds, okay?”

She shook, still trying to pry my hand off, but not trying as hard as she could. She didn’t know who to trust, and she was struggling to figure out what to do or who to turn to. I just took away one of her only friends.

“They were candids,” he explained. “You were so beautiful, I…” He stopped and then shouted at me, “You broke into my house?”

“Did you mess with her?” I demanded.

When he didn’t answer, I shot in, whispering against Winter’s lips. “If he touched you, I’ll know,” I told her. “Your skin will be red and flushed. Your lips will be swollen. His stink will be all over you.”

She panted against me, and for a moment, I was reminded of our times together back in the day. When I whispered to hide my voice, but she was mine and I was hers, and she was in my lap, driving my car. Did she ever think about that?

I jerked my chin at Crane, and he spun Belmont around and landed a punch right into his stomach. The pipsqueak dropped like a ton of bricks, crumbling to his knees, coughing, and gasping.

“Again,” I said.

But Winter piped up. “No!” she answered quickly. “He didn’t touch me!”

“I didn’t touch her,” he said, wheezing and still coughing. “I would never hurt her.”

I released Winter but kept my body on her, so she didn’t move.

“Get him out of here,” I said.

Crane picked up the kid on the floor, and after a moment, they were gone through the side door again. Headlights streamed through the window, there were shouts, and eventually doors slammed, and two engines drove off. He was probably worried about leaving Winter here with me, but Crane would make sure he got home, even if he had to give his car a little push with the SUV.

“You thought you were so fucking cute tonight with that little performance, didn’t you?” I taunted. “Now, I like it when you misbehave, just do it in private where we both can take some pleasure in your punishment. You make me wait, it gets less fun for you.”

“I hate you.”

I pressed her back into the door again, and she sucked in a breath as my body molded to hers. She wouldn’t look at me as I leaned down, smelling the remnants of her lip gloss still on her mouth. Where had the rest gone? Did he taste it tonight?

Or maybe she wore it because she knew I liked it.

Her little face turned away, so defiant. But she wasn’t moving, either.

“Are you sure you hate me?” I asked in a low voice.

And I slipped a hand between her legs, swiping my fingers over the fabric of her leotard, and feeling what I knew would be there. She was seeping through. She was wet.

I brought my fingers up. “If he didn’t touch you, then is this for me?”

She slammed me in the chest, and I stumbled back, letting her out.

“You’re a monster. You’re no better than him,” she growled. “You played with me. You took advantage of me not being able to see, just like he did, and got exactly what you wanted. You abused me.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, getting back up in her face. “Yeah, I did. I got you any way I could. I…”

I stopped, finding myself losing control. I couldn’t say too much.

“You wanted to be powerful,” she said. “You wanted to win. You wanted revenge on my family and to cause pain, and you did. You humiliated me. You wanted to humiliate me. You wanted what you wanted, and you didn’t care about me!”

I stared at her, knowing I would never explain myself.

She thought she knew everything. She thought it was black and white.

She thought I’d wanted to hurt her. She thought I’d meant for people to see that video. She thought I wanted to trick her.

The only motive I had was to be around her, and if I had to lie to get it…

I wasn’t taking responsibility for everything. She liked it.

“’I think I love you,” I said, repeating her words to me all those years ago. “Don’t stop. Please don’t stop. I want you to be my first. It’s okay. Touch me.” I stepped up to her, invading her space and throwing all of her shame back at her. “You’ll be the first to kiss me here.” I flicked her ear. “And here.” I touched her neck. “And here.” I brushed her nipple with my thumb. “I want to feel your body on mine. Am I okay? Am I doing it right? It feels good. Don’t stop. Oh, God. Oh, God. Don’t walk away. Please, I want this. You don’t have to protect me. You want it, too. I’m okay. I want it. I want to feel you so bad.”

I threaded my hand through the back of her hair and fisted it, holding her still. “And then you spread those pretty legs for me.”

“I thought you were someone else!”

“I was,” I challenged. “I was someone you kinda liked.”

She shook her head, more denying herself than me as tears welled in her eyes. “You were a lie,” she said. “And all you are now is pathetic. You didn’t earn a cent of the money you throw around, and those men don’t guard you because you’re Damon Torrance. They guard you because you’re Gabriel’s son. You’re nothing!”

I shook her. Bitch.

“I was proof that people change,” I told her.

“The only thing you’re proof of is that not all males grow up to be men.”

I released her, slamming my hand into the wall behind her. She shoved me away and darted around me, holding out her hands to find the bannister and scurrying up the stairs.

I hesitated for a moment before I ran after her, charging up the stairs.

I caught her and spun her around, holding her in my arms and crushing her to me. “Arion thinks I’m a man,” I told her, keeping my voice low and taunting. “She’ll touch me like I’m a man. She’ll ride me in my bed and swallow me, because she wants what she thinks was yours.”

Her jaw tightened, and she didn’t move other than to breathe.

Do you want her to touch me? Do you even care?

“And she thinks she can do me better and erase you from my memory,” I said.

“I don’t care.”

Her expression was flat, and her voice was mechanical.

I nodded, ignoring the needles in my throat. “Good,” I said, feeling her breath on my mouth. “Because when you hear us tonight, I want you to know it’s because I don’t care, either. There’s nothing of you for her to erase.” I gripped the back of her head again, pressing her forehead into mine. “And in your bed tonight, when it’s late and dark, and the rest of the house is quiet, except for my wife’s moans down the hall and you’re pissed and angry, because you think you hate me, but you slip a hand under the covers anyway, because no one will be the wiser if you indulge yourself in the memory of me, I just want you to also know…” I lowered my voice to a whisper, “that’s what red feels like. Anger and fury and heat and need so strong you’re a fucking animal, Winter. It’s primal.”

A tear spilled out of the corner of her eyes, and I could feel her fucking heart pounding in her chest.

I released her, pushing her away and backing up toward my bedroom. “I’ll fuck her and make you come, too.”

 

 

 

Winter

 

Seven Years Ago

 

“I can always tell when they arrive,” I remarked, sticking a nugget to the end of my fork. “You all get so quiet.”

A few laughs go off around the lunch table as Noah, Rika, and the other girls check out the horsemen, whom I’ve also become aware of in my short time here. It was easy to notice when one or all of them entered a room. The chatter changed, there would be a whisper or two, and while I’d love to get caught up in the intrigues of Thunder Bay Prep, it was probably best I couldn’t see how hot they reportedly were. We were freshman, and they were seniors and completely out of our league.

I already had a crush anyway. My insides tingled every time I thought about our escapades in the car and motorcycle last night. I was more than ready for my first kiss, and while I wasn’t sure what his interest in me was, he clearly wasn’t reading my deep-seated, teenage desire for some heat. Maybe he didn’t see me like that at all.

After the motorcycle ride, we got into his car, he took me home, and I went to bed, no one in my family the wiser that I’d even been gone. I thought we would talk more, or I’d get some kind of idea if he’d be back and when, but he didn’t say anything, and neither did I. That wasn’t the last time I’d talk to him, right? I mean, that was no way to say goodbye.

I dreamt of him last night and woke up concocting a hot little fantasy in my head of him finding me years down the road and doing passionate things to me. I ached when I remembered I didn’t want to wait that long to be with him again, though. If ever.

The only bright side I could find in possibly never feeling him again was that your first love was a learning experience. Or so my mom said. They’re not the ones you marry, she told me. They’re the ones who break you, so you can rebuild yourself better. Stronger.

But I didn’t care. I wanted him to come back. I wanted him to hurt me. Just as long as he came back.

“What are they like?” I asked, breaking the silence and trying to change the subject. “The horsemen? Besides Damon, I mean?”

I already had an idea of the tool he’d turned into. I couldn’t believe I’d suspected him to be my ghost. My guy was out of this world. And he didn’t smoke, thank goodness.

“Well, Kai’s the nicest,” Rika’s friend, Claudia, said.

“He’s bad in all the right places, though,” someone else teased.

“He and Damon look a lot alike,” Claudia continued. “Both dark hair and eyes, but Kai’s more…manicured, I guess you could say. Damon always looks like he just shifted back to his human form after being a wolf all night.” She laughed. “His hair and clothes are never in order…”

“And Will?” I asked, trying to get the focus off Damon.

“Will’s nice, too,” Rika chimed in, “but he’s not as sincere as Kai is, I think. He’s good-looking and even better for a laugh. He treats girls better than Damon or Michael do, but…I don’t know.” She trailed off, pensive. “He’s never serious. I don’t think he’s ever had a serious girlfriend like Kai has, has he?”

“Maybe his heart already belongs to someone he can’t have,” Claudia said.

“Aw.”

“Yeah, like Damon,” Noah chuckled. “They’re very close. Like really close, I hear. He keeps Will on a leash. Figuratively speaking.”

“And Michael?” I pressed.

“Michael.”

“Michael.”

“Michael.”

They all sounded off around the table, and I heard Rika heave a sigh to my left.

“Rika knows all about him,” Noah teased.

“Shut up, you guys,” Rika scolded, sounding embarrassed.

After a moment, she spoke up, answering my question. “He’s kind of the leader,” she explained. “Probably on his way to the pros eventually. Light brown hair, golden skin, hazel eyes. Polar opposite of Will. He’s very serious.”

“Hazel eyes. Bedroom eyes,” Claudia taunted. “Rika’s slept in his bed. Did she tell you that?”

Slept in his bed? He had to be eighteen. Or almost anyway.

“I was thirteen,” she explained, “and he put me there. It’s not like he slept there, too. I told you guys that.”

And then she spoke to me. “I grew up around him. Our families are close, so I’m at his house a lot.”

“That’s code for ‘she loves him, will have his babies, and keep your damn paws off’,” Noah told me.

I nodded once, heeding the warning. “Gotcha.”

All of a sudden, music poured out of the speakers and commotion went off around us. People laughed and hooted, and I trained my ears, trying to figure out what was happening.

Was that seriously a Bobby Brown song?

“Oh, my God,” someone said and laughed.

“What?” I asked. “What’s going on?”

“Will Grayson is dancing,” Rika answered, sounding like she was embarrassed for him. “Oh, my God, he’s on a table.”

Everyone in our area broke into laughter, and whatever he was doing must’ve been entertaining.

“My Prerogative” blared, and I couldn’t help but smile and bob my head a little bit. It was a fun choice of music. I’d probably like Will.

“Such a lover, not a fighter,” someone said.

“He’s so hot,” Claudia added.

“If you ever fall for one of them, make it Will or Kai, got it?” Noah said over the table, and I guessed it was to me. “They’ll at least hold you for ten seconds after it’s over.”

I let out a nervous laugh and picked at my food. Okay, maybe I wouldn’t like any of them, after all.

“Guys, be quiet,” Rika said and then to me, “They’re just joking with you.”

Got it. And no worries. I’d steer clear of spoiled seniors. Although, I wondered what my ghost would do if someone liked me. Would he care? Would he know? He could be in the room right now? Hell, he could be Noah.

But I got rid of that notion. I’d held Noah’s arm on the way to Music Appreciation. It wasn’t like his body. Not as tall, not as strong. My insides didn’t do pirouettes when I touched him.

As the music played, though, and everyone was lost in the distraction of Will Grayson’s exhibition, everything started to fade way—the laughter, music, and noise becoming distant as it fell to the background and echoed from somewhere far away.

I wanted to feel him again.

I felt him again. Like I was in his lap, driving. Or huddled behind him, warm but freezing in the night air on the motorcycle. Or wrapped tightly in his arms, hidden in a closet, a world within a world.

I wished he was close. I wished he was watching me. Always watching me. I tucked my hair behind my ear, turning my head toward the direction where I would imagine he was, and reveled in the feeling of his eyes being on me.

“Are you okay?” Rika asked.

The music cut off, and I heard a teacher scolding someone—probably Will—and I nodded. “Yeah.” I dropped my plastic fork and wiped my fingers on a napkin. “When you’re done, would you mind pointing me to the library? I’m going to hang out and listen to some of the readings until class. I’ll have the librarian’s assistant help me to the next class.”

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m done now. Let’s go.”

We picked up our bags, tossed out our lunches, and headed for the doors. But as we went, I smiled to myself, the feeling of him still in my head and his eyes watching me, following me and never leaving me as I exited the cafeteria.

 

 

“How about right here?” Rika asked me. “It’s empty and quiet.”

I nodded, reaching the third floor of the library and feeling for the chairs nearby. I found a cushy couch instead and dropped my bag, taking a seat and digging out my phone and earbuds.

“I need to run to the office and get some fliers printed for the Math Club,” she explained. “I can swing by as soon as I’m done and get you for English.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” I told her, plugging in my earbuds and relaxing into the corner of the couch. “I’ll find someone. Or…maybe I’ll go wild and find class myself.”

“Don’t do that,” she scolded.

I smiled, half-joking and half not. English One was the first door across the hall from the stairwell upstairs, and the stairwell was right outside the library to the left. I was sure I could make it. And after driving an actual car last night, I kind of wanted to try. It would be the extent of my fun for the day.

But I put her at ease anyway, knowing she still felt guilty about me getting shoved into the locker room. “I’m kidding,” I told her. “I’ll be fine. Someone will help me. I promise.”

“Okay,” she acquiesced. “I’ll see you in class.”

I gave a little wave and stuck in my earbuds, starting the audiobook chapter on Native American tribes and early colonization. I made sure not to put the volume too high, though, so I could hear the first bell alerting me that lunch was over, and I had five minutes to get to class.

I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and listened to the woman’s voice go over tribes of eastern America and Canada and trade with European settlers. Out of all the audiobooks for my classes, I enjoyed this one the most. Her voice was sweet and soft with lots of inflection like she was telling a bedtime story.

Except for Algebra, which was always hard and I had little care for, since I knew I wouldn’t have a career where it would be useful, all my classes were going surprisingly well. My teachers were helpful, and it was getting less awkward to have conversations with them and be open about what I needed. I mean, schools accommodated for learning disabilities, poverty, illness, and severe behavioral problems. By comparison, I couldn’t be that great of a burden, right?

My parents—and Arion—had really done a number on me. While it was the psycho-stalker-sicko who made me smile and gave me confidence. Go figure.

Life was weird.

I needed to ask him questions when I met him again. If I met him again. He wouldn’t answer just because I wanted him to, though. I’d have to pry it out of him, like dancing the entire Nutcracker Suite in exchange for his frickin’ name.

I snorted but quickly got rid of my smile just in case anyone was watching me and wondered what my deal was.

And then I noticed it. A sound piercing the air, loud and cutting the quiet with a sharp ring that made me wince.

“What the hell?” I said to myself.

I yanked out my earbuds, finally realizing what it must be.

Was that…?

A fire alarm sliced into my ears like nails across a chalkboard tenfold, and I sat up, trying to listen for voices to hear if this was real or a drill or what.

“Don’t run!” the librarian, I would assume, called out. “Walk and exit the building like you’ve been taught.” And then a shout. “No running!”

“Wait,” I said, clutching my phone and gathering up my backpack. “Wait!”

I knew how to get to the stairwell, but I wasn’t sure about the exit. It was one floor down, but after that, I thought it was down the hall and to the right at the end of the lockers? Maybe?

I heard the heavy library doors open and close repeatedly, and I yelled, “Wait!”

Hugging my backpack to me, I grabbed hold of the railing and barreled down the stairs as fast as I could, but the earbud cord dangling from my phone caught under my step, and it was yanked out of my hand, pummeling to the end of the first landing. It tumbled off somewhere, and I fell to my knees, dropping my bag as I pawed the ceramic tile, trying to look for it.

There wasn’t a real fire, right? It was just a drill.

Waving my hands all over, I found the cord and yanked it to me, but the phone wasn’t attached anymore. I slammed my palm onto my thigh in frustration. “Dammit.”

Screw it. It was replaceable, and if anyone found it, it had a lock code, so they couldn’t get in.

I left my shit on the floor and made my way down the rest of the stairs, the alarm still blaringly loud.

But I didn’t hear anything else. There were no voices, no movement, no doors being slammed… Was everyone already gone?

My heart started to thump harder. What do I do? Shit!

Half the school was in the lunchroom. They would’ve just gotten out through the exit in there. The rest of the school—everyone in classes or the auditorium—wouldn’t be gone yet. Right?

“Hello?” I called out.

I waved my hands in front of me, trying to veer in the direction the doors were in, but I walked right into something hard and hissed at the pain in my shin. I grabbed hold of a wooden chair that had been left untucked from the table in the rush to get out.

My hands finally found the wall, and I scaled them down until I found the doors that led into the rest of the school. Opening one, I stepped through.

“Hello!” I shouted again. “Can someone help me? I don’t know my way out!”

The alarm pinged again and again down the hallway, and I inhaled through my nose, smelling smoke.

No. I paused. Not smoke.

It was a cigarette.

Had someone been smoking in the school?

But then my face fell as I breathed in the faint scent that reminded me of the last time I smelled that.

My heart started to race, and not in a good way.

Finding the stairwell, I descended one flight and found my way through the entrance to the main floor.

“Hey!” I called out again. “Anyone?”

I inched to the right side of the hall, the locker doors clanking against their frames as I moved from one to the other.

Even if it was a real fire, firefighters would be here soon. I couldn’t be completely alone.