Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни Миловидов Виктор
аре exhibit обезьянник
gorilla горилла
bars решетка
to grunt ворчать, сердиться
to pound колотить
chest грудь; грудная клетка
obviously очевидно
to notice замечать
excitement возбуждение
to suggest предлагать
to tease дразнить
poor бедный
fellow парень
to pucker морщить (губы), складывать (губы) в гримаску
to lift поднимать
thigh бедро
to drive двигать, понуждать
crazy сумасшедший, чокнутый
to grab хватать, захватывать
to rip рвать; раскрывать
to fling толкать, бросать
to wiggle one's bottom крутить задом
to go ape обезьянничать
to play along играть до конца
to wake the dead разбудить мертвого
to tear the bars down сносить решетку
to drive sb crazy сводить кого-л. с ума
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. What sort of a dress was the wife wearing?
2. How did the gorilla start to behave when the couple was passing its cage?
3. What was the ape excited by?
4. What did the husband suggest that his wife do when he noticed the gorilla's excitement?
5. What did the husband suggest she do with the straps of her dress?
6. What drove the poor gorilla absolutely crazy?
7. Do you think the wife had really had many headaches?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A man and his wife are visiting the _______ zoo.
2. She's wearing a cute, _______ dress.
3. They walk through the _______ exhibit.
4. The gorilla is _______ excited at seeing the lady.
5. The man suggests that his wife _______ the poor fellow.
6. Then the husband suggests that she _______ one of her straps fall.
7. This drives the gorilla absolutely _______.
3. Say if the statements are true or false:
1. As they pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla falls asleep.
2. The gorilla is obviously excited at seeing the pretty lady in the pink dress.
3. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
4. Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would kill the alive.
5. This drives the poor gorilla away.
6. The husband grabs the gorilla, rips open the door to the cage, and flings her in with the wife.
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. На ней красивое, свободного покроя платье без рукавов, на лямках.
2. Горилла начинает обезьянничать.
3. Горилла явно возбуждена при виде дамы в розовом платье.
4. Муж предлагает жене подразнить бедного парня.
5. Он производит шум, который разбудил бы и мертвого.
6. Горилла готова снести решетки.
7. Он быстро хватает ее и толкает в клетку.
В сложных предложениях с союзом that (The husband suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow…, Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall… и The husband then suggests that she try lifting her dress up her thighs…) мы сталкиваемся с одним из так называемых глаголов «побуждения к действию», использование которых подчиняется особому правилу.
Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы знаете правило использования этих глаголов. В случае необходимости обратитесь к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 15).
6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:
1. The man insisted that his wife (to wear) _______ a cute, loose-fitting dress.
2. It is imperative that we (to walk) _______ through the ape exhibit.
3. The husband proposed that his wife (to tease) _______ the poor fellow.
4. Then the husband urged her wife (to let) _______ one of her straps fall.
5. It is necessary (to tear) _______ the bars down.
6. It is important that you (to lift) _______ your dress up your thighs.
7. It was a recommendation that you (to grab) _______ your wife and (to fling) _______ her into the cage.
В предложении Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall используется форма так называемого сложного дополнения She let the straps fall.
Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы владеете этой синтаксической формой, при необходимости прибегая к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 16).
7. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs:
1. I want you (to visit) _______ the local zoo.
2. I expect you (to wear) _______ this cute dress.
3. Don't make him (to go) _______ ape.
4. I saw him (to jump) _______ up on the bars.
5. They heard the gorilla (to grunt) _______ and pound his chest with his free hand.
6. I watched her (to wiggle) _______ her bottom.
7. The husband noticed the ape (to be excited) _______, and wanted his wife (to tease) _______ the poor fellow even more.
8.Transform the sentences into Passive:
1. A man and his wife are visiting the local zoo.
2. He pounds his chest with his free hand.
3. The pretty lady in the pink dress obviously excited the gorilla.
4. The noises would wake the dead.
5. Gorilla is tearing the bars down.
6. She has lifted her dress up her thighs.
7. This drives the poor gorilla absolutely crazy.
8. The husband grabs his wife and flings her in with the gorilla.
9.Render the joke.
Section 14
Before you get married
«Honey,» said a husband to his wife, «I invited a friend home for supper.» «What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!» «I know all that.»
«Then why did you invite a friend for supper?» «Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
a mess беспорядок, состояние беспорядка
fancy фантазия, воображение
meal еда, прием пищи
a fancy meal праздничный обед
fool дурак
I don't feel like cooking я не в настроении готовить еду
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. Who did the husbund invite for supper?
2. What does the wife think about their house?
3. What meal is she supposed to cook for her husband's friend?
4. What will happen when the friend comes to their home?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A husband said _______ his wife, «I invited a friend home for supper.»
2. Are you _______?
3. The house is a _______.
4. All the dishes are _______.
5. I don't feel like _______ a fancy meal.
6. Why did you invite a friend _______ supper?
7. The poor fool is thinking about _______ married.
3. Match the two parts of the sentences:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Я пригласил друга домой на ужин.
2. Ты сошел с ума?
3. Я не ходила в магазин.
4. Мне не хочется готовить праздничный стол.
5. Бедный дурак думает о том, чтобы жениться.
В предложениях I didn't go shopping… I don't feel like cooking… The poor fool is thinking about getting married… используется так называемая –ing-овая форма английского глагола, которая в зависимости от места в предложении является либо причастием (причастием 1), либо герундием и, соответственно, подчиняется разным правилам употребления.
Проверьте свои знания этих форм, при необходимости справляясь в грамматическом комментарии (раздел 17).
6.Translate from Russian into English using the words in brackets:
1. Вместо того (Instead of, to go to the restaurant) чтобы пойти с другом в ресторан, он пригласил его домой на ужин.
2. Она разговаривает сейчас с мужем.
3. По прибытии (On, to come) домой он пошел в магазин (to go, shop).
4. Я обожаю (to be fond of, to wash dishes) мыть посуду.
5. Он закончил работать (to finish, to work) после шести часов.
6. Он прекратил есть (to stop, to eat) и посмотрел на часы.
7. Мы едим салат.
8. Я обожаю ходить в магазин (to be fond of, shop).
9. Человек, курящий сигарету, мой друг.
7. Render the joke.
Section 15
Coming home late at night
A guy is real drunk and gets home real late. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks a block away from his home. He takes off his shoes as he walks up the stairs, careful not to make a noise. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room, when «BAM!!!» – he gets hit by a frying pan…
Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly shakes his head and says, «Boy, you are inert! Now here's how I do it. When I get drunk I go borrow my bud's Harley and go screamin' up and down my block a couple of times a hootin' and a hollerin'. I take the Harley rat up on the porch and then start screamin' and a cuss-in'. I slam open the door and scream, 'Tim the man of the house and I want some sex rat now!» And you know what's amazin'??? My wife is always asleep!!!"
Study the words and expressions given below:
to avoid избегать
to park парковать (машину)
block квартал домов
to tiptoe от tip(кончик) и toe(палец ноги) идти на цыпочках
to fry жарить
pan кастрюля
frying pan сковорода
hole дыра
sad печальный
inert вялый, зд. неизобретательный
to borrow брать взаймы
bud приятель
Harley мотоцикл «Харлей-Дэвидсон»
screamin' разг. screaming вопя, крича
a hootin' разг. hooting свистя
a hollerin' разг. howling завывая
rat paзг. right прямо
porch крыльцо
a cussin' разг. cursing ругаясь
to slam хлопать (дверью); с грохотом открывать (дверь)
amazin' paзг. amazing удивительный; удивительно
a block away за квартал (от дома)
to get hit получать удар
local watering hole местная забегаловка (досл. местная дыра, где можно промочить горло)
to shake one's head качать головой
to get drunk напиваться пьяным
a couple of times пару раз
slam open the door с грохотом открывать дверь
1.Answer the questions to the text:
1. When did the guy get home?
2. Why did he park a block away from home?
3. What did he do not to make a noise on the stairs?
4. What did he get hit by?
5. Who did he tell this story the next day?
6. What were they doing in the watering hole?
7. Who does his friend borrow a Harley from?
8. In what way does he drive the Harley?
9. Where does he take the bike?
10. What does he scream when he enteres the door?
11. Why is his wife always asleep?
2.Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. Trying to _______ the little woman, he parks a block away.
2. He takes off his shoes, _______ not to make a noise.
3. He quietly opens the door and _______ into the room.
4. He gets hit by a _______ pan.
5. He tells the story to a friend at the local _______ hole.
6. His best friend _______ shakes his head.
7. I go _______ my bud's Harley.
8. I take the Harley rat up on the _______.
3. Say if the statements are true or false:
1. A guy is real drunk and gets home real late.
2. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks quite near his home.
3. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room.
4. When I get drunk I go borrow my bud's F-16 and go screamin' up and down my block a couple of times.
5. I take the Harley rat up on the porch.
6. I slam open the door and scream, «I'm the man of the house.»
7. My wife is always away.
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Он снимает свои ботинки, когда идет по лестнице.
2. Он тихо открывает дверь и идет на цыпочках в комнату.
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