Английский разговорный шутя. 100 анекдотов на все случаи жизни Миловидов Виктор
5. She watches in _______ as he sits down to his dinner.
6. She tells her bridge _______ about it and they are all horrified.
7. After the _______ all attacked our new widow.
3. Say if the statement is true or false:
1. I have to go fix my husband his dinner!
2. And she dashes out of the Bingo club, her great hand forgotten on the table.
3. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food.
4. She watches with joy as he sits down to his dinner.
5. Needless to say, every day from then on, she made this dinner for her husband.
6. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all delighted.
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Она едет домой, чтобы приготовить своему мужу обед.
2. Ей невероятно везет, когда она обращает внимание на время.
3. Она бросается вон из дома своей подруги.
4. Она осознает, что у нее очень мало времени.
5. Все, что у нее есть в буфете, это завядший / вялый лист салата, яйцо и банка кошачьего корма.
6. С ужасом она наблюдает, как ее муж садится за обед / обедать.
7. Нет нужды говорить, что с этого дня каждый четверг она готовила этот обед.
8. Мы говорили тебе, что кормление его этим кошачьим кормом убьет его.
В предложении She was very pleased at being praised… используется герундиальный оборот, в который включена пассивная форма герундия;
в предложении We told you that feeding him that cat food every week… стоит активная форма герундия.
Проверьте, насколько хорошо вы владеете навыками использования этих форм; при необходимости обратитесь к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 27).
6. Fill in the blanks with either an active or a passive form of the Gerund:
1. Her husband insisted on (to give) _______ good healthy food for his dinner.
2. She couldn't help (to stay) _______ in the club until the game was over.
3. He was looking forward (to serve) _______ that cat food for his dinner.
4. She didn't object at all to his (to climb) _______ the mantel whenever he wanted.
5. He did not mind (to feed) _______ cat food at all .
6. She enjoyed (to play) _______ bridge with the ladies.
7.Transform Indirect Speech into Direct Speech by making necessary changes:
1. She told her cronies that she had to go home and fix her husband his dinner.
2. He asked her if she had had an incredible hand in bridge.
3. She said that her husband was going to be angry if it was not ready on time.
4. He said that that was the best dinner she had ever made for him in forty years of marriage.
5. He asked her to make that for him any old day.
6. They said that the woman was going to kill her husband.
7. The ladies said that she had really killed him with the cat food.
8. She asked her cronies not to blame her for it.
8. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:
1. (1… ) салат, 2. (g… ) украшать, 3. (m… ) убийство, 4. (с… ) советовать, консультировать, 5. (w… ) недостатки, недочеты, 6. (s… ) чесать, 7. (е… ) обмениваться, 8. (d… ) требовать, 9. (m… ) любовница, 10. (j… ) драгоценности.
9. Render the joke.
Section 25
Football wedding
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One says, «It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?»
The other says, «Well, we have a name for it in my family.»
«What do you call it?»
«We call it a football wedding.»
The first asks, «What's a football wedding?»
The other says, «She's waiting for him to kick off!»
Study the words and expressions given below:
upcoming приближающийся
ridiculous нелепый
to kick off футб. делать первый удар в начале игры; зд. сленг умереть, сыграть в ящик
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. What were the guys talking about?
2. Why did they think the upcoming wedding ridiculous?
3. What name for a wedding of this sort do they have in the family?
4. Was the boss a good football player?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. Two guys are talking about their boss's _______.
2. It's _______, he's 93 years old.
3. What _______ of a wedding is that?
4. What do you _______ it?
5. The girl's waiting for him to _______!
3. Match the two parts of the sentences:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Ей только 26 лет!
2. У нас в семье есть название для этого.
3. Мы называем это футбольной свадьбой.
Один из участников разговора обозначен в тексте как The other… Проверьте свои навыки использования прилагательного other и производных от него слов another, the other, others. При необходимости обратитесь к грамматическому справочнику (раздел 28).
6.Fill in the blanks with missing words; follow the directions given in brackets:
1. He has divorced recently, and he just wants to get himself (другую) _______ wife.
2. All (другие) _______ wives that he has had were also much younger than he was.
3. (Еще одна) _______ wedding, and he will really kick off.
4. Two guys turned up at the wedding; one was the bestman, (другой) _______ was his friend.
5. About half a hundred people invited to the wedding managed to get into the church; (другие) _______ had to wait outside.
7.Render the joke.
Section 26
Happy birthday present
A fellow was talking to his buddy, and he said, «I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped.»
His buddy said, «I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way that she wants it. If you did it, she'd probably be thrilled.»
So the fellow did.
The next day his buddy asked, «Well? Did you take my suggestion?»
«Yes, I did,» said the fellow.
«…And did she like it?» his buddy asked.
"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll be back in an hour!!!' "
Study the words and expressions given below:
to get sb sth дать кому-л. что-л.
besides кроме того
to afford позволять себе
to stump разг. ставить в тупик
certificate свидетельство, сертификат
to thrill доставлять сильное удовольствие, сильно и остро возбуждать
suggestion предложение
forehead лоб
to yell вопить
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. Who was the fellow talking to?
2. Why didn't he know what to get his wife for her birthday?
3. What sort of a certificate did the fellow's buddy suggest
that he do?
4. Why did he think that the wife would be thrilled?
5. Did the fellow take the buddy's suggestion and what came out of it?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. A _______ was talking to his buddy.
2. She has everything, and _______, she can _______ to buy anything.
3. Make up a _______.
4. If you did it, she'd probably be _______.
5. Did you take my _______?
6. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the _______ and ran out.
3. Say if the statement is true or false:
1. I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday.
2. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have one minute of great sex.
3. If you did it, she'd probably divorce you.
4. So the fellow did.
5. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out.
6. I'll be back in a minute!
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Я не знаю, что подарить своей жене на ее день рождения.
2. Я в тупике.
3. У меня есть идея.
4. Парень так и сделал.
5. Она выбежала из двери с воплем: «Я вернусь через час!!!»
В предложении If you did it, she'd probably be thrilled… используются глаголы в форме так называемого сослагательного наклонения.
Проверьте свои навыки употребления данной формы; при необходимости воспользуйтесь грамматическим комментарием (раздел 29).
6. Fill in the blanks with appropriate forms of the verbs given in brackets:
1. If I (to know) _______ what to get my wife for her birthday, I would be really happy.
2. If she (to need) _______ something, she would have told me.
3. I (not to be stumped) _______, if she told me what she wants.
4. She would be even more thrilled, ifyou (to do) _______ it yourself.
5. If I hadn't taken your suggestion, people (not to make) _______ fun of me.
6. She (to be) _______ back in an hour, if she hadn't met you on the way.
7. If you (not to be) _______ so stupid, you wouldn't have made up a certificate of this sort.
7. Render the joke.
Section 27
How much to marry us?
Tom wished his wife were more attractive, but she wasn't. To tell the truth, he was no oil-painting, either.
After the ceremony, Tom asked the minister how much the cost was.
«Just give me what you think it is worth to have this lady for your wife,» replied the minister.
Tom looked at his wife, and handed the minister $50. The minister looked at Tom's wife and gave him $42 change.
Study the words and expressions given below: wishжелать
attractive привлекательный
oil нефть; масло
to paint писать маслом; красить
painting живопись
oil-painting масляная живопись; зд. картина маслом
ceremony церемония
minister священник
cost издержки, цена
to hand передавать, протягивать
change сдача, мелкая монета
what it is worth to have (sth) сколько стоит иметь (что-л.)
to tell the truth по правде говоря
1. Answer the questions to the text:
1. How did Tom's wife look?
2. Was he much different?
3. What did he ask the minister about after the ceremony was over?
4. How did the minister estimate the cost of the wedding?
5. Why were Tom's numbers different?
2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:
1. Tom's wife wasn't very _______.
2. He was no, either _______.
3. How much is the _______ of the ceremony?
4. Give me what it is _______ to have this lady for your wife.
5. Tom _______ the minister $50.
6. The minister gave him $42.
3. Match the two parts of the sentences:
4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:
5. Translate from Russian into English:
1. После церемонии Том спросил священника, сколько это стоит.
2. Просто дай мне столько, сколько, как ты думаешь, стоит твоя жена.
3. Ты хочешь иметь эту даму в качестве жены?
4. Том посмотрел на жену и протянул священнику 50 долларов.
5. Священник посмотрел на жену Тома и дал 42 доллара сдачи.
В предложении Tom wished his wife were more attractive… используется одна из фразеологических конструкций, с помощью которых вводится сослагательное наклонение.
Проверьте свои навыки использования данных конструкций, в случае необходимости обращаясь к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 30,).
6. Translate from Russian into English:
1. Жаль, что я не живописное полотно.
2. Пора бы мне жениться.
3. Если бы только он сказал мне вчера, сколько это стоит.
4. Жаль, что вы дали мне так много денег.
5. Пора бы вам дать мне 42 доллара сдачи.
6. Если бы он только посмотрел на нее перед тем, как вести в церковь.
7. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:
1. (w… ) желать, 2. (а… ) привлекательная, 3. (m… ) священник, 4. (с… ) сдача, 5. (а… ) позволять себе, 6. (s… ) ставить в тупик, 7. (с…) стоить, 8. (b…) кроме этого, 9. (у…) вопить, 10. (h… ) протягивать, давать.
8. Render the joke.
Section 28
Reverse roles
Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work.
But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers.
She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that said that working wives could be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a fulltime job.
The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the office. «How did it work out?» they asked.
«Well, it was a great dinner,» Mary said. «Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away.»
«But what about afterward?» her friends wanted to know.
«It didn't work out,» Mary said. «Charley was too tired.»
Study the words and expressions given below:
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